Through schoolboy sniggers you leave a message on the Kremlin answerphone telling the ex-KGB megalomaniac that he’s a ‘pound shop Stalin’ and a ‘proper ninny’ for his global instability shenanigans. You naughty tinkers!
Suddenly a loud crack rings out behind you.
Oh crumbs! Wossy’s been taken out by a sniper!
You bolt for the back door in fear of your life, but Putin’s men are waiting for you.
You are blindfolded and bundled into the back of a van.
You feel a jab in your arm, and everything goes black.
When you awake, the Russian Premier is sat right in front of you, legs spread wide, dinkle bulge visible. He addresses you:
“Mr. Brand. I have been watching your work with great interest. You have gained the trust of the people. You have them eating out of your hand and hanging on the edge of your every word, despite 97% of what you say being making no sense whatsoever. All the while you are having sex with many beautiful women like a real manly man. I respect this…
…I want you to come and work for me.”
Do you take Vlad up on his offer?